Our baby, Lucia-Francisco, is often the forgotten one. The name that gets mentioned last or not even mentioned at all.

Just eight months after our identical twin daughters Mary Rose and Elizabeth Leia died, I was pregnant again. A pregnancy after loss comes with a range of emotions and this was no exception. But this pregnancy didn't even make it through the first trimester. I found myself devastated all over again, in disbelief that this was happening, and heartbroken that I had my hopes up even for a brief time that I'd be bringing another baby home earthside. I had to explain to my three living children that another sibling of theirs wasn't coming home. They were there with us at the funeral home, at the funeral, and at the columbarium in the cemetery.

What was different about this loss is I was already plugged into the RTZ: HOPE community. I was held. I was supported. I was in a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group and I could turn to that group to share our unexpecting news. My grief was acknowledged, my heart was held, and I felt carried.

I knew then and am now even more convinced that every loss, no matter the length of pregnancy or length of life earthside, deserves to be acknowledged and grieved. I have often heard the words “I was ONLY __ weeks along,” but all losses - no matter the length - are worthy of grieving. My baby was carried with love and is continually loved. I strive to change my language, in hopes that others too acknowledge the depth of love I had for this precious little son or daughter of mine.

Lucia-Francisco is counted by their siblings in the sibling count. Every May we remember that pregnancy and honor our baby. We wonder what life would have been like if they stayed longer. We find ourselves finding ways to connect with the other side in an attempt to feel their presence. By paying closer attention to the wind, the sky, the butterflies, and beauty that surrounds us, we pause to reflect and appreciate our relationship with our babies. We visit the cemetery and honor the sacred space where our babies were laid to rest.

By sharing my story of my first trimester miscarriage, I hope it gives others the courage to speak confidently about their miscarriage or loss - no matter the gestation. I want to be a beacon of hope and light the path for others to share their stories.

Would you consider donating, in honor of Lucia-Francisco, to RTZ: HOPE for HOPETOBER, for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month?