Let me first start by saying thank you to Return to Zero Hope for all you have done for so many over the years.. I also wanted to thank you for being our voice. I wanted to share a little of our story ..

We were so excited back in August 2001, to find out we were having a baby boy! At the time I had 2 beautiful daughters, And now we were having a baby boy! We would be complete.

My pregnancy was wonderful and healthy. Alexander was strong and growing. We had wonderful ultrasound pictures. He was kicking and happy!

I was almost finished with my pregnancy. I went in for my 36 week checkup and all was well. Then came the next week. I went in for my checkup on Wednesday, April 17th 2002, and waited in that waiting room for the doctor. I knew something was wrong. Alex wasn't moving. The doctor, was speechless and he couldn’t find his heartbeat. I kept asking what was going on... I followed him out into the hall and a volunteer brought me over to the hospital in a wheelchair. I had no idea where I was...I was just crying uncontrollably. All I remember was her patting me on the shoulder.

The technician then gave me the ultrasound. I could see my baby boy on the ultrasound , in position, ready for delivery, but the heartbeat, was not there. All I saw and heard was that sound...that awful stinging sound there was no heartbeat. I screamed and screamed. Alex was gone.

The next thing I knew they had sent me up to maternity. I met 3 beautiful nurses who saved my life that day. It was these 3 nurses who got myself, my husband, and my family through this most heartbreaking experience of my life.

I was able to hold my son, for hours! I got to see him, love him and didn't want to let go. But the next morning my one nurse, came in. She said Karen.." it's time." My husband and I cried and cried. She took pictures of Alexander for me. They took footprints and hand prints, gave me pieces of his hair, birth card, his sweet blanket they wrapped him in; all currently held in a precious box which is all I have of him on this earth.

The autopsy found no signs of sickness or disease, no disformities: Alexander James was just a perfect baby, with no answers as to why he was not here.

My Alexander James is now my Angel in heaven, who will wait for me . I believe he watches down on me and my family, in good times and when we are sad. He's a Guardian Angel to my girls and to us.. In May of 2003, we were blessed with our youngest daughter , our baby Julianna , who has brought so much joy to our lives.

I began a Facebook page, called "Alex's Peace" for others who have had a similar loss. I began to send bookmarks to families who have lost their babies . It is a small gift I can share to try to bring them some comfort in memory of their baby.

We also celebrate our son’s birthday each year and we always celebrate Waive of Light on October 15th.

When I learned about Return to Zero, we were just beginning to break the silence . It has been a long journey and I was so grateful to have people to talk to that also had a similar experience. Being able to connect to others is so important when you endure this grief . Having others understand gives strength when you have none . We have been so lucky to have RTZ Hope as a resource.