My first experience with loss was at 20 years old. My son Caleb Adam was Stillborn at 34 weeks. It was expected that he would be a premie but there was no indication that anything else was wrong. When I went into labor, everything happened so fast. When we arrived at the hospital, he did not have a heartbeat. My world came to a stop but the rest of the world kept moving and everything felt like a blur. I gave birth to my silent, sleeping baby boy on November 12th, 2012. I never got any answers for why he died and never will.

Later, in 2017 I was pregnant with twins. Because of my past loss and history of premature birth, I was being watched very closely by my doctor as it was a high risk pregnancy. Everything was going well and we were looking forward to finding out the genders of our babies. Before we made it to that appointment, my water broke with one of the twins at 17 weeks & 5 days. I was taken to the hospital and there we were told that we would soon lose both of our babies. The risk of infection for both me and them was too high. That night I was induced into labor and gave birth to our daughter, Nora Elizabeth Lake on 5/12/2017. She passed away before she was born. Early the next morning 5/13/2017 our son Ronald Christopher Lake was born, alive. His water had not broken. He was so small and his lungs were not developed enough for him to survive. So we held him and talked to him until he passed away, about 4 hours later. We held them both, took photos and had family and friends visit as long as we could.

Later, after their loss I saw a specialist and found out that I have an Incompetent Cervix (IC). Not long after, we conceived our son Logan. Because of my IC, I eneded up having emergency surgery to sew my cervix at 18 weeks after a check up showed it was needed along with progesterone shots once a week, every week until 35 weeks. We had a healthy baby boy, finally on 4/20/2018. I now have two living children Kaiden who is 16 and Logan who is 6.

We celebrate each of our babies birthdays each year with cake and a song and paper lanterns. I talk about my babies to keep their memory alive and to hopefully help others to feel comfortable opening up about theirs.