Stranger : Hvad er du?! (Danish for “What are you?!!”)

Me: Jeg er halv dansker, halv comorianer. (“I am half Danish, half Comorian”)

Papa overhearing my conversation: “Non Nora, ton corps n’est pas coupé en deux!” (French for “No Nora, your body is not cut in half.”)

I can still hear my dad’s sharp voice: “You’re fully Danish AND fully Comorian. You’re BOTH, not either or!”

Growing up mixed-race in Denmark, l felt wrong. I didn’t belong among all those tall blondes.

I felt that I owed the (White) Danes an explanation of who I was. I felt belittled. Ashamed.

My dad died 10 years ago.

He may be gone, but his words forever stay with me.

So, what’s my WORD, you ask?

n’betweener

I coined this term to create language to describe people like me, who exist at the intersection of multiple complex identities.

We deserve to be gotten. To be seen. To belong.

We don’t have to choose between identities.

But we keep ourselves small, hold ourselves back. It’s time to stop acting like a chameleon to fit in and start living congruently with who we truly are

Now I’m writing a book about what it means to be an n’betweener and the unique gifts that come with it, to help us feel seen, heard, and understood.

Will you help me?

WHY I’m writing this book

So first: what the heck is an n’betweener?

It’s not “just a word.”

Language shapes perception, and finding one word that describes your experience provides a deep understanding of yourself. It provides a sense of relief.

n’betweeners are people who live with multiple complex identities that often conflict with one another. We feel like we don’t belong here nor there.

There is a unique yet lonely experience to being an n’betweener. We’re often not represented, so we hurt. But healing can occur when we’re reflected and seen.

For the past decade I’ve worked as a therapist and educator with hundreds of n’betweeners with different complex identities.

We’re women of color, mixed-race, multicultural immigrants, queer Muslims, Latinx youth, and infinite other intersecting identities.

Do you know the #1 mental health threat that marginalized beings face?

Internalized Oppression. Overworking to prove our worth, yet never feeling adequate enough.

We turn into chameleons. We change form to fit in, and it hinders us from stepping into our full potential

But let’s be real: One word is not sufficient.

I want n’betweeners to find true refuge.

That’s why I am writing a book.

This book is a place to belong and let the beauty and nuance of our intricate and entangled identities exist.

This book serves both as a memoir and an educational language on how to believe in yourself in a world where you're not represented.

It provides insight on what it means to be an n’betweener: our gifts, our pain, our unique mental health struggles, the ways we mold ourselves, and how we can overcome internalized oppression.

I want to give n’betweeners the opportunity to feel confident in understanding their experience. I want to give them a language that empowers them to live an inspired life.

In my book, I will tell stories to explain the n’betweener experience, and I’ll weave in my personal life to reflect my own connection to what it means to be an n’betweener.

I want to provide every n’betweener a space to heal and feel understood without explaining themselves, and to connect congruently with their true self.

This book needs to come out. But I need your support.

Let’s honor the voices that are often invisibilized.

This book is a chance for me to express myself authentically. It’ll be written in English but fused together with my other languages.

My favorite language is mixing all of my languages at once. My most authentic self is when I code-switch between languages and even spaces.

I’m inspired by the great Gloria Anzaldúa who says:

Until I am free to write bilingually and to switch codes without having always to translate, while I still have to speak English or Spanish when I would rather speak Spanglish, and as long as I have to accommodate the English speakers rather than having them accommodate me, my tongue will be illegitimate.

She gave me permission to write in the way I wish, and this book will do just that.

About me

I’m a TEDx speaker, somatic psychotherapist and an anti-oppression educator.

I am a cis, queer, multiracial, woman of color from Denmark and Comoros, and I can proudly say I recently added another level of n’betweness by becoming a U.S. American and…

I was born in the space n’between.

My parents couldn’t be more opposite. One is Black-Arab, and the other is White. One comes from one of the richest countries in the world, while the other is from the poorest. One is Muslim, the other is Atheist/Protestant. One speaks Danish, the other speaks Comorian and French. One is outspoken, the other is subtle, and the list goes on.

My papa helped me coin the term n’betweener – the experience of living n’between experiences – and now I’m writing a book about it.

And my dad actually opened the first ever bookstore in Comoros. This book honors n’betweeners like him.

Embarking on Book Voyage

I’m going on an embodied journey to write this book:

1 Year
1 Book
1 Community
5 Homes
5 Languages
5 Me’s

I relate being an n’betweener to being a bird. Like birds, we hold multiple perspectives. We can fly high and low. We can nest in a tree or ground on the earth. We see the world in so many beautiful ways.

My favorite space is truly in the air. I feel most alive when I’m in movement and most inspired when I’m traveling. On a plane is when I get my best work done.

Flying is like a container for me, where I get to fumble over my words and feel unsure of what language to speak. It’s one of the only spaces where it’s unclear where people are from. You can’t just make assumptions. You have to pay attention to people’s passports to cue in on what language to speak, and that is not even true sometimes. I love all of it.

So, in true bird fashion, I’m flying and taking this book with me.

I write best in the spaces n’between, and so I’m visiting all the spaces that have helped me connect to my n’betweeness.

My journey begins in Copenhagen, Denmark, and will end in the Indian Ocean where my father is buried in Comoros. I’ll also visit some of my other n’betweener homes that have had a significant impact on me. Here are the places I'll be doing my field research and writing:

Copenhagen, Denmark: my motherland
Paris, France: my non-home home
New York, United States: my potential new home
Buenos Aires, Argentina: my soul home
Moroni, Comoros - my fatherland

And anywhere n’between.

My nest has been ever-changing but is currently based in my home in Boulder, Colorado.

Why should you invest in me?

You may be wondering what this money is going toward?

In a nutshell it’s going to support my creative process and pay my team. The money you gift me is truly an emotional investment. It gives me the energy to fulfill this long-time goal. Something I value most in life is nourishing meaningful connections. Knowing you believe in me does just that and keeps me accountable.

I’m someone who, probably like you, is impacted by capitalism. I work hard, and I don’t allow myself the rest that I need. My Danishness is used to 5 weeks of paid time off…that’s evaporated and the American in me has become accustomed to a work-life no-balance.

This is why I need to allocate funds towards my book.

What I can promise you is this:

I follow through with what I say. I am 100% invested and will complete writing this book.

Here is the proof:

Click here to see the crowdfunding I did 10 years ago to raise money for my graduate school.

(Am I cute or what? ;))

I raised enough for one semester which gave me the fuel to find the remaining resources (raise scholarships, 70 hours a week summer jobs for three years etc.)

Not only did I complete my degrees but received the Student of the Year award.

I now have a psychotherapy business, I’ve worked with 3000 clients from 11 countries.

So, here is the breakdown of the costs you’re supporting:

The total cost to write this book is $50,000

This includes:

Travels costs to five countries: $15,000
My time, writing and work: $15,000
Paying my editor, Amber Koonce: $5,000
Marketing expenses: $2,500
Trainings & Writing intensive: $2,500
Restoring my dad’s home: $10,000

After my previous crowdfunding I raised roughly 10K (after fees). Help me reach the rest.

As a thank you to my dad for inspiring this work and helping me coin the word n’betweener, I’m raising money to rebuild his home in Moroni, Comoros, which is currently in ruins. His home once served as one of the only bookstores in the area, and I want to pay tribute to him by restoring it.

Ways You Can Help

I have felt so much love and support from my community while creating this n’betweener community.

Being an entrepreneur can be a lonely experience, and your words truly fuel me.

If 1000 people donate $50 each, all costs will be covered
If 250 people donate $20 each, my flight tickets will be paid.
If 50 people donate $50 each, you’ll have paid for my partner in crime Amber’s editing work.

Any amount is helpful, even if it’s just $5; it all adds up!

If you aren’t able to contribute financially, you can help in other ways.

You can share this campaign to all of your friends, family, and co-workers, or re-post it on social media!

If you’re a non-n’betweener (meaning you’re often represented in mainstream media), you can be an ally to n’betweeners. Educate yourself on this experience and support where you can.

Believe me — community is WHY I’m writing this book. I need accountability, and your contribution will help me with that.

My Gift to You

As a THANK YOU for supporting my author endeavors, I’m gifting all supporters three of my mental health resources for free:

A guided meditation to help you rest in the space n’between
A video series on Internalized Oppression
An exploration guide to help you live in alignment with your values

Click here to receive your gifts.

Thank you. Marahaba. Merci. Tak. Gracias.

Help Nora get this WORD out!

By Towards a Better World L.L.C.

Help Nora get this WORD out!

A new book to empower those who feel misunderstood and alone in their complex identities.