At anytime during your pregnancy if you feel like something isn’t right or the Dr’s aren’t telling you everything please get a second opinion. At 30weeks I felt this hard kind of pull in my naval which was odd and instead of me taking it seriously I laid down, kind of brushed it off. Two days later I go into Emergency room, I’m not feeling any movement from my daughter. I was taken to labor and delivery after 2.5 hours I’m told my baby has no heart beat.

I was sent home to decide how I wanted to handle that. I’m devastated in shock, and numb. My daughter was a special gift from God and our time was cut short because I neglected to listen to my body because I was so tired physically and the pregnancy felt like it was literally draining everything from me. I was told she would be born with Down syndrome which I cared nothing about it made me love Angel even more. I just wanted so much for her and to give her a beautiful life. That was my plan.

I have many memories like the first time I went for the ultrasound I was so eager to check on her so I paid for an 3D ultrasound which was the best day ever. I finally saw her with her finger in her mouth and heard that heartbeat and from that moment I vowed to always be there and take care and love her always. Another really special moment was the day I delivered her I was able to keep her with me in the hospital hold her and cry, and talk to her. Just have a moment to not understand this at all.

I’m learning that life is very short and to just live and be happy, over this last year I’ve struggled so much and felt so alone, all I wanted was to talk about my daughter but found that it was making people feel uncomfortable and my feelings were just pushed down.

I truly am thankful and blessed to have 4 children that grieved losing there sister and having them saved me. I tried therapy, it didn’t help until I started seeking answers which brought me closer to God. God has truly helped me in my hardest times and losing my daughter has led me to believe and appreciate life and everything that I have more.

Every year I like to make candles in remembrance of Baby Angel give them to family and friends and light them on her birthday. I’m still very much connected to my baby I feel her presence still some days more than others. I talk to her. We celebrate her and as a keepsake from the hospital I have a molding of her little feet which I love and every morning I go and put my hand on her toes and talk for a bit or just say good morning. My daughter still lives on through my kids and I and she will not be forgotten. I love her so,so much she was such a sweet, sweet girl.

I found a sense of comfort and healing through my connection with RTZ. The regular emails and newsletters reminded me that I wasn’t alone, and reading the stories of other parents helped me feel seen and understood in my grief. One of the most meaningful moments for me was participating in the candle lighting held each October, known as the Wave of Light. Taking part in lighting a candle for my baby gave me a quiet, sacred space to honor her while feeling deeply connected to a community of parents who know this pain.