As I contemplate on many of the events that occurred 23 years ago when we lost our son to stillbirth, I find that I would want to go back and tell my 31-year-old self-several things to help her navigate this impossible grief.
1) Having to choose a funeral home while you hold your baby is not normal: You are not crazy for not wanting to think about it
2) To the woman who rejected you for wanting to return the diapers to Walmart: She was the ignorant snob- it was not you!
3) To those kind and religious souls who thought they were helping you by telling you “it was the devil’s work” or “now you are saved”: Don’t listen to them- they are trying but failing – you have your own conversations and arguments with God.
4) To those who ignored you- and didn’t want to be near you like you had the plague because “they” were uncomfortable: Remind yourself – they have absolutely no clue how uncomfortable you are- breathe and keep your head high- you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
5) To those who ask you “do you want to stay in your grief” OF COURSE NOT- There are so many so called “psychologist “out there telling you what they think you should be doing or feeling – I’m telling you they are clueless-are they pros at how to navigate losing a child- nope they are not- so you go at your own pace.
I would also like to tell you this:
1) You will be given gifts that are beyond beautiful in your life
2) The grief and pain in your gut will lighten over the years but you will have the pain and the scar with you always- it becomes part of you
3) You may become a little more cautious, ask more questions, less trustworthy of people and things but at the same time become more compassionate and show empathy
4) You will find beauty in the little things – hold onto every one of them as you go through this journey.
5) I promise you will make it through even though it seems impossible right now.
I will love you forever Alexander James Struzik 04/17/02🩷💙
This April, Alexander would have turned 23. Would you consider making a a $23 donation to RTZ in his honor? Thank you for helping me make sure Alexander's light keeps shining.
