On April 23, 2020, my first son, Ronan Mateo, was born at 23 weeks and 3 days following a chronic placental abruption. Weighing in at a tiny 1lb 5oz — and with less than a 50 percent chance of survival — the odds were stacked against tiny Roo from the moment he was born.

He spent six weeks in the NICU during the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, defying many of the staggering odds we had been warned about, and facing heart surgery, kidney problems, ventillator support, slow weight gain, and more. Tragically, Roo developed NEC and passed away in my arms on his six-week birthday. To say his death was devastating was an understatement.

Following Roo's death, we experienced two early miscarriages — both at 7 weeks — and an especially traumatic 13-week miscarriage and emergency D&C following a subchorionic hemorrhage. That little boy, Cieran, was gone before I made it to the hospital.

Although extensive testing has never explained why our children have died, my husband and I sought the help of a fertility clinic to support us during our next pregnancy. Once I became pregnant in October 2021, I was given a barrage of medications and daily shots throughout the first trimester. They worked. My rainbow baby, Zane Lucio, was born in May 2022 and is doing great.