I remembered how everything during pregnancy was amazing, until one day it wasn't. I remember the very first kick at 24 weeks and how I didn't realize I wouldn't be getting any more of it. I want the world to know that grief doesn't end. I still count Damani as my child. I'm a mom of 2 children and my daughter has a big brother, you just can't see him. A mother counts all her children, even those no longer here. Please don't think living children somehow erases the pain and emptiness we feel.
I want the world to normalize grief and sadness and stop shaming persons into keeping their stories and their babies private. We didn't do something wrong that resulted in the death of our babies. It just happened.
Out of his death, came 4Damani, which is a space I use to shine the light on baby loss in Jamaica. I also created a support group for persons to have a safe space to share and be comforted. It has been extremely difficult as the silence here is really deafening. Pregnancy and infant loss is taboo on Jamaica. A lot of persons do not want to share their experience publicly due to the trauma and sometimes shame associated with the experience. 4Damani is the 1st an only one of its kind in Jamaica and it gets lonely and depressing because there's so much work to do to effect change and I need all the help I can get.
I am always connected to my loss. I share about Damani every chance I get. I always say his name. I'm proud to be his mom. I'm hoping to donate more memory packages to mothers at hospitals in Jamaica as we have none of those resources here. I also want to continue raising awareness as we really need to end the stigma surrounding baby loss. My hope is that parents experiencing this in Jamaica know they're not alone, even though it feels lonely, and there's a safe space that they can turn to.
I have found the RTZ resources very helpful for my group and myself. I also really enjoyed the movie Return to Zero, as it gives hope and support to persons and every parent needs that after loss, especially when you don't know where to turn. And it has also been warming to see other ambassadors, who have also provided hope to me.
