My husband and I found out we were expecting our first child on Father’s Day of 2023. We felt so blessed to have embarked a new journey in our short few years of marriage. We had our first appointment, where we were over the moon to hear our baby’s heartbeat. A month later, we went to our next check up where we completed genetic testing. We received the results that our baby would most likely be born with Down Syndrome. While this news was not what we anticipated, we knew that there was nothing we would change about our journey. We continued to get excited and guess the gender of our baby (we would not find out until birth). Fast forward to Christmas, the doctors noticed fluid buildup around Finn’s lungs. I underwent in total 3 procedures to drain the fluid from his lungs, as well as the surplus of amniotic fluid from me. Finn developed hydrops, which is 95% fatal in newborns. I was rushed to delivery, where I gave birth to our beautiful Finn Cooper. Finn was immediately rushed to the high tech NICU, where we were told that there was nothing more than could be done, and he likely would not survive the night. Our beautiful boy gave us the gift of 7 whole days together. While this experience was by far the hardest my husband and I will ever experience, it has given us a whole new perspective on life. To enjoy and cherish, and live in the moment, and not to rush through life to just mark an item on a checklist. Finn and his short time on Earth has shown us how to love someone more than life itself, and the beauty in small things that we take for granted - opening your eyes, breathing, crying. While it is difficult, we chose to honor Finn by talking about him, using his name, buying him books for his nursery we know that he would have loved. While every day will continue to bring heartbreak, it also brings us small reminders of our beautiful baby boy.
RTZ has helped in so many ways. I think the biggest way it has helped me is that is has normalized my feelings and shown me a network (unfortunately) of individuals who have experienced this pain, as it is really difficult to relate to friends and family. RTZ has also emphasized honoring our babies and their stories - keeping the memories fresh and alive.
