Lillian Grace was conceived in an assault when I was fourteen. I want the world to know that my daughter's death isn't easier, even if I wasn't prepared to parent a child. I sang to Lilly in the shower every day. It was a time where I could feel at peace. Growing into an adult is hard enough, but being a teen mother to a dead baby confuses things even more. I had to grow up extremely quickly when I found out I was pregnant. Being expected to "go back" to being a child is unrealistic. I felt like a very young 80 year old for many years and sometimes I still feel that way. My spiritual practices keep me connected to my daughter. Also I talk about her- talking about her doesn't resurrect her, but it brings her to life in my heart.